Where in the effing hell have you been?

I'm back. I know I was gone a long time. I went through a lot that I'll probably touch on in some ridiculously bizarre post that I hope makes you laugh or at least smile. But here it is.

I had a psychiatrist once tell me that I had to hide my mental health problems. I looked at him and wondered how the fuck does one pass off hiding in a corner, hyperventilating and sobbing uncontrollably as something that a regular person does occasionally and there's no reason to worry. 

I fired him soon after he brought my husband in because I disagreed with him. I found someone better now. Someone that treats me like a person that matters. Someone thatI  can tell that I'm one more bad day from giving into the monkeys in my brain that say I'm not worth it. Someone who will celebrate with me when I talk about how I managed to get out of my home and travel. I'm not hiding this anymore. Hiding it made me feel like I should be ashamed that my brain didn't work the way normal peoples brains do. I deal with chronic daily depression, anxiety and panic attacks, some PTSD and some agoraphobia that has gotten worse. and that just the mental part. If someone cold help me figure out the chronic pain, auto-immune issues, and random passing out that would be like icing on the cupcake of weirdness that is me.

If you can guess, this is about me, my life, my brokeness, my strength, my terror, my courage and the fucking bizarre shit that just is part of trying to adult with a teenager and a hubby that works at home. 

I'm not a writer, I will apologize to those of you who are. My syntax will be wrong. I might have a typo or two, and my tone is more conversational than storytelling. But iII promise to try and make you laugh occasionally. I'll try and be as open as I can, without giving all of myself away.

Today is a day that I matter. So do you.