Where in the effing hell have you been?

I'm back. I know I was gone a long time. I went through a lot that I'll probably touch on in some ridiculously bizarre post that I hope makes you laugh or at least smile. But here it is.

I had a psychiatrist once tell me that I had to hide my mental health problems. I looked at him and wondered how the fuck does one pass off hiding in a corner, hyperventilating and sobbing uncontrollably as something that a regular person does occasionally and there's no reason to worry. 

I fired him soon after he brought my husband in because I disagreed with him. I found someone better now. Someone that treats me like a person that matters. Someone thatI  can tell that I'm one more bad day from giving into the monkeys in my brain that say I'm not worth it. Someone who will celebrate with me when I talk about how I managed to get out of my home and travel. I'm not hiding this anymore. Hiding it made me feel like I should be ashamed that my brain didn't work the way normal peoples brains do. I deal with chronic daily depression, anxiety and panic attacks, some PTSD and some agoraphobia that has gotten worse. and that just the mental part. If someone cold help me figure out the chronic pain, auto-immune issues, and random passing out that would be like icing on the cupcake of weirdness that is me.

If you can guess, this is about me, my life, my brokeness, my strength, my terror, my courage and the fucking bizarre shit that just is part of trying to adult with a teenager and a hubby that works at home. 

I'm not a writer, I will apologize to those of you who are. My syntax will be wrong. I might have a typo or two, and my tone is more conversational than storytelling. But iII promise to try and make you laugh occasionally. I'll try and be as open as I can, without giving all of myself away.

Today is a day that I matter. So do you.

Art on the Green or Crap on the Grass, you pick

One of my favorite events of the year in this area is an event called "Art on the Green"In conjunction with AOTG, there's two other events happening the same weekend all within walking distance of each other - if not within the tolerance limits of a 7 year old boy-The Taste of the Coeur d'Alenes and the Downtown Sherman Street Fair. All of which lend themselves to several irreverent nicknames-crap on the grass/junk on the lawn/shit on sherman. This is why they do not let me name events. They don't even let me describe pictures for publications at work. Their descriptions are things like "Bob and Sue stroll along the picturesque beachfront enjoying the shade of the 100 year old evergreens that line the Dike Road." When I write captions as space holders it ends up more like "Two dumbasses walking the wrong way down the street under a bunch of trees wearing what could only loosely be described as appropriate clothing." This is why they have writers and I just have to put the pictures and the text in some sort of readable format. Yay, graphic designers!

What this says about me marrying a writer? Apparently it wasn't just for his charming good looks and his ability to wash dishes.

Back to Art on the Green. This year I found this beautiful little glass bauble that caught my eye and wouldn't let it go. The artist was patient enough to explain to Boybat how he made these solid glass globes that had layers of colors and shapes in them that seemed to defy the physical space it occupied, but in Boybat terms. It was obviously a ploy to free me up to look around. 10 minutes I stood there staring in this glass ball before I put it down and walked away. Didn't get more than two booths away before I told Joe we had to turn around and buy it because it needed to be in our home. After the "incident"-where another piece of art wanted to come home with me, he said no way, and I pouted about it every year we went back and saw that artists work get out of our price range-he just turned around and led the way back to the booth. It's like having my own little universe.

I've had a few "finishes" since I last checked in.

Finished up Lizzie Kate's Snowman. I obsessed about this pattern for a while. It was the colors that made me want to stitch it, but I was "eh" about the subject matter. I don't like to do "seasonal" patterns because I like to put my finished pieces up on the wall year round. Finally told myself, "Hell with that, I can put whatever I want on my wall." Hence the second finish, Shepherd's Bush Green Snowman. They both have buttons I still have to sew, but that's not happening 'til I'm ready to have them framed.

Halle-freakin'-luja, I got Lo How a Rose done and did a little dance  that was mainly me pumping my fist in the air singing "Suck on it you f'ing project from Hell, I win!" Unfortunately, boy bat was in the next room and informed me that those were bad words.

I'm pretty sure that he's going to end up being the kid in Catholic school that teaches the other kids all the curse words and I'll be getting a call from his teacher asking if I was the one who taught him to swear in whole sentences. Oh well, it's a family tradition.

Eclectic is good

Stitchers are an eclectic lot. Eclectic is good. I love the ones who actually appreciate geekdom and laugh at zombie jokes. The fun thing is, you can't always tell who they are.

At a stitching group I go to once a month, there is a very nice lady who I would have pegged as the kind of woman you would imagine hosting dinners with the right ratio of guests, know where the silverware belongs at a place setting (including the funny little lobster fork), and knows exactly what Miss Manners would do in every situation. I was completely wrong! She got all the geek movie references, laughed at the bizarre jokes with the rest of us. I'm pretty sure she said "damn" a couple of times.

Bad on me for doing the proverbial book cover judgy thing.

Stupid Sun

Stupid sun being all warm and inviting, teasing me with its happy sun rays, enticing me to go outside and not blog.

At least I've been stitching while I'm out there. I've shocked a few neighbors who apparently never thought of me as a stitcher. You'd have thought I was slaughtering bunnies in the nude when they see me working on a cross stitch out on the steps. 

The Demon Bean

How to tell your coffee habit is out of control?

Your son is making coffee shops out of Legos with little Lego baristas and a drive up window.

I will no longer be bringing the little vice barometer on my morning mocha run.

After I get my mocha, I'm going to head out to the patio–spent yesterday finding the edges of it after I ignored the creeping grass slowly covering the bricks all last summer– with my latest project and curse the wasps that are trying to build nests in the patio umbrella.

Baseball and little boys

Back in May, I bought tickets to see the Spokane Indians (minor league team) this weekend, forgetting that summer in the inland northwest starts mid-July.

Like most little boys, Boybat is impervious to the elements and wasn't phased by the rain or the cold. I, on the other hand, was in competition with my dad as to who could string together whole sentences (quietly) using nothing but curse words to describe how stupid it was for us to be sitting there in the rain.

Fortunately, Grandma Ginny was there to explain what was going on on the field, taught him how to read the scoreboard, remembered to bring a blanket and bought him a stuffed team mascot that he hasn't let go of yet.

He loved the whole experience–the game, the crowd, the food.

After I defrosted and dried out, I realized I had fun there, too. We'll go again.

Not til mid-July, though.

DINKs and garage sales

It’s been so nice out that I haven’t been able to make myself sit down and write this past week.

What I have done tho' is get the "seasonal" yard work almost finished and as a bonus, get the garage cleaned out.

What the hell were you doing cleaning the garage you might ask? I couldn’t find the damned weed sprayer and when I did see the tiny hint of it, I couldn’t get to it. 

Grrr!

Only because it was necessary, I cleaned and organized the garage that has been wallowing in basement cast-offs for the past year. By the end of summer last year, there was a path from the garage door to the inside door. If you needed to go anywhere in that maze of crap, you would need to tie a rope around your waist to find your way back (I exaggerate, but not too much).

I blame the DINK (Double Income No Kids) era of mine and Joe’s relationship. We had disposable income then and I had a home décor bug up my tuckus. When the whirlwind of destruction-otherwise referred to as Boybat-was toddling, a lot of that stuff went into storage and never came out. It made it from upstairs closets, to the basement, to the garage and is now destined for a garage “why would someone want to buy this” sale.

Mind you, I’m not having a sale, I’m commissioning my neighbor to tack it on to her sale, while I cross stitch outside on my lovely patio enjoying the sun and telling Boybat to quit trying to hit the neighborhood cats with his suction cup bow and arrow set.

One year later and a person less

I lost a person and all I can say is, it’s about time! When I say I “lost a person”, I mean I’ve lost over 115 lbs. this past year (which would be a skinny little person, weight-wise). Hot freekin’ damn!  

When we drove to Wisconsin last year, we were able to drive through Yellowstone and see a few sights. When I compared last year’s photos to this year’s photos, I did a little dance that no one should ever have to see (sorry, Joe).

A year ago, I barely wanted to get out of the car to do the hikes and found myself sitting on a bench waiting for my guys to finish their walks.  Last week, Joe and Boybat had to keep up with me on the hikes!

No! I dont want to go back to real life!

Where to start? I know, VACATION!

We just got back from a week at Yellowstone National Park. It was fantastic, beautiful, amazing. I figured out this week that I’ve been there 7 times now and still haven’t been able to visit all the places that I want to see. In all the times that I’ve been there, I’ve never seen it with snow on the ground–until last week. It snowed everyday we were there with accumulations in some parts of the park being over two feet in one evening. It was stunning to drive into there with the snow in the trees and the blue sky.
 

My friend, Stacy, calls it my “Happy Place." She knows me pretty well (which means that I should move to another town where people haven't realized that I'm sarcastic for a reason). 

For as much as I really dislike being outside, nature in general, Raging waters, and walking around in blizzards, when I’m in Yellowstone, life is good. Joe has accepted that when we retire we’re going to volunteer at the park so we can stay there in the summers. I think he agreed because I’m a much more pleasant person when I’m there.

I did get some stitching done when there was down time in the hotel. Picked out some different colors for the Dandy Dreams pattern, with brighter colors.
 

Did I already mention that I finished Lo How a Rose? I’ll put pictures of it up soon.
 

Artists Point in the Yellowstone Grand Canyon

Am I the only one who saw a dragon in this rock?

Holy crap! Look at the snow bank on the road side

Norris Geyser Basin with Boybat

Coming into the park

Please forgive me if I go on about my vacation, I’ll try to keep it down to just a few posts.

Close, but not perfect

My morning conversation with Boybat on the way to school.

Boybat: Do you love me?

Me: I love you to the sun and back. 

Boybat: Mom you'll burn up before you even get to the sun.

Me: OK, I love you to the moon and back.

Boybat: There's no air on the moon.

Me: I love you from here to school and back?

Boybat: Close, but not perfect.

Me: Alright then, what would be perfect?

Boybat: From here to Africa and back.

No stitching today, I was out enjoying the sun and how the neighborhood comes alive when the weather turns good.

Sacrificial Patterns for Pélé (not the soccer guy, the volcano one)

Holy Hell! If I actually get Lo How a Rose done before it sends me into the nut house, I'll have a party and burn that pattern in some ceremonial volcano ritual.
It started out so promising, and has turned into the project from hell. It's making me feel very stabby. Maybe I should trade the embroidery scissors out for Boybat's safety scissors?
Last night as I was finishing up the vines in the corner, I noticed that the words "was" and "Night" weren't lining up right. More ripping and cursing and then the discovery that I'm out of the floss I need to redo the text (curse mumble mumble curse mumble curse).

Very little stitching otherwise. This past weekend was the second decent weekend that we've had with no rain or snow. Boybat, Joe, and I picked out flowers for the pots and planted sunflowers seeds. I rebuilt the little rock ledge since it was shifting (little boys climbing on it probably didn't help). Broke out the patio furniture and even put little solar lights in the flower beds. I'm feeling like quite the outdoor goddess this week. Oh, and painting. After painting the front door and the bathroom, along with the gardening, holding a tiny little needle was out of the question.

Are Wind-up Chickens that "Poop' Jellybeans Appropriate Gifts?

What I consider an appropriate gift vastly differs from what Joe considers appropriate. After the jellybean pooping wind-up chicken, I "help" Joe when it comes to gift giving holidays.

Two Sundays ago, I found book of cross stitch fonts that I was coveting on a website, filled out all the necessary information including billing and shipping info and stopped just short of clicking the "pay here" button. I woke up my extraordinarily patient spouse and informed him that I found what I wanted for Mother's day and he should get out of bed to click the pay button. Suddenly, I realize that he puts up with a lot of crap from me.

It isn't really a present if I bought it myself, right?

The past two years he and Boybat have gone camping with his family during Mother's Day weekend, leaving me at home. For which I am eternally grateful. I hate camping. Tents are like stay fresh bags for bears. Ursine ziplocks. When I leave my house for an extended period of time, there had better be outlets, hot water, and cable involved.

This left me with an entire weekend with only one chore, paint the front door, which took all of two hours–only because I had to let the paint dry between coats. The rest of the weekend I spent watching BBC America (Supernatural Saturday, Yipee!), and stitching.

I've un-banished Lo How a Rose. After much soul searching and pirate-like cursing, I found peace with the fact that I had to frog the bright pink stitches-have I explained frog to all you non-stitchy readers? No? It's a term stitcher's use to refer to removing stitches when you make a mistake. When you remove a stitch you have to rip it, rip it. 

I also finished up Green Snowman and just have to sew on the buttons. I ran out of the oatmeal scone thread that the snowman and the hill are stitched in. No idea if it didn't come with enough or maybe the cat ate it. I thought I was going to have to rip out all the stitching in the snow guy and the hill and start with a new color, but after talking with the ladies in the local stitch shop, they suggested calling Shepherd's Bush and getting another piece of thread. Brilliant! They're my new best friends for the week.

I'm fickle, it'll be someone else next week.

C'mon, it'll be fun! No, really!

Group activities? 

Nope, no way, uh uh. If there's more than three people, count me out. That's just too many people that could potentially find out that I'm a socially awkward geek.

So, imagine my surprise when I was actually anticipating going to a group stitch Friday night. 

 

It was a blast! Those four hours seemed to fly by. 

I might have to try new group activities. Group skydiving? Probably too much right now. Group hugs? Uhg, too much physical contact. Maybe group cleaning? That's it! Anyone who wants to do group cleaning can come to my house this afternoon and we'll all clean my closets together. I'll even get pizza!

I did put a pretty good dent into the Green Snowman pattern and I'm already trying to decide what to do next. 

C'mon, cleaning my closets will be fun if we do it all together!

Framing Day

I do love picking up my finished pieces from the frame shop. I was able to bring home 2 of the 3 that I had framed.

This one is a pattern I designed myself, still no idea what to call it. After hunting for a mat that wasn't overbearing,  I decided to go with just the frame.

This one is Shepherd's Bush "Shepherd's Hill". Framed it with a traditional frame and green mats in similar shades of green, but different textures.

I'm hoping to pick up the third one this weekend, it needed to have the mat adjusted. Then I get to add them to the wall o' cross stitch I've started. My goal is to fill up the wall by the end of this year and start a new wall. 

I should have gotten MUCH larger frames.

Yay Short Attention Span!

Yay short attention span!

Which means that I started another pattern and don't feel guilty about it! Now, if I studiously avoid the basket of WIP's I can maintain this reckless disregard I have for ever finishing a project. Go reckless disregard!

With quite a bit of uninterrupted stitching time this weekend, I started Shepherd's Bush Green Snowman and cant seem to put it down. I think it's the green linen. Ooooo, green, pretty...

Started this long weekend off with an awards dinner (I won two awards for graphic design, so, Yipee!) and finished the weekend off today with a rainy day of cross stitching. Stuff happened in the middle there, too.

Yard work on the first nice day of the season. I did have an eager little helper who decided it was his job to relocate the slugs we found under a pile of leaves. Seriously though, if someone had come to me even three years ago and said "You will willingly pick up slugs so Boybat can see them better" I would have snorted in my fruity-flavored adult beverage.

Easter is a low-key holiday for us. I'm still trying to clean the egg dye off of Boybat, and I'm pretty sure he's been on some freaked out jellybean, chocolate bunny high since yesterday morning. I even hid the candy today. Probably doesn't help that he's still finding little plastic eggs with chocolate in them around the house (I forgot where I put them all–next year I'm making notes).

Hope you all had a happy Easter!

WTH Mother Nature?

C'mon, really?

This is just rubbing salt on the wound now.

Gardening by Neglect

I want to plant flowers. I don’t normally want to garden, mainly because if I come in contact with flowers they wither and die of what I can only imagine is plant terror. 

The only plants I can keep alive are ones that thrive on neglect. Cactus. I have three cactus plants that are alive because I never water them. I don’t know how they get watered. They’re above the sink, so maybe they water themselves at night after everyone’s asleep (OK, I just creeped myself out).

The outdoor plants are only alive because there’s a sprinkler system. When I go to the plant stores, and some nice lady who probably loves to garden asks me if I need help, then starts inching away from me when I say “I want flowers that are supposed to come back next year providing that I don’t kill them first."
 

My need for flowers is brought about by the fact that it’s the end of April and we have yet to hit the 60 degree mark here. In fact it snowed today. I want some flippin’ sun. I shouldn’t have to scrape my car windows in April, damn it!

Haven’t got a lot of stitching done this week. This week seems like a whirlwind of crap I have to do, but when I try to nail down what I did with my week, I cant think of anything important. Boybat made me an organizer box. It’s just the right size for some floss and scissors. As far as I’m concerned he’s a architectural genius in the popsicle stick genre and he’s thrilled that I’m using it. 

Because everyone loves FREE stuff

I called this post "Because everyone loves FREE stuff" because the only other way I figured I could grab your attention was to call this "Hot guys and free beer" and I didn't want to disappoint  anyone when they figured out I was lying. 

I was experimenting with my new software this week! In the process, I charted the heart cross stitch that I designed and stitched for Joe's Valentine gift.

Go to this link  Heart String and get the free pattern. If you use it, I'd love to see your finished project!

Update: The link is active now, sorry about that.

Brand New Distraction

I've been on an organizing/cleaning/decluttering thing this week. My problem?

I usually get half way and then have to go do something else, like work, sleep, feed boybat.

This weekend I've distracted myself with my new cross stitch program. Oooooo, shiny new toy!

I charted a pattern I drew a while ago and hope to start it tomorrow after I find the right floss...which I could have probably found if I would actually finish a organizing/cleaning/decluttering project (Eh, screw that, I'll just go to the store and get some during my lunch break).

Lo How a Rose has to go away for a while. Seems like every time I pick it up, it sucks my soul. OK, that's a little exaggeration, but I do get frustrated with that piece so it's going in the bottom of the rotation.

The Evils of Organization

Rainy days rock! They're the perfect excuse for planting your butt on the couch and stitching. Which I did this weekend and managed to finish In the Sweet from La-D-Da. Yay rain!

I also snuck in some cross stitch supplies organization time. Now I have everything in one place, I think. In my house, you never know.

I weeded through a two foot stack of stitching magazines and patterns.
If I hadn't brought all of my cross stitch crap together in one place, I would never have realized that I have more patterns than I could ever stitch in a lifetime. Patterns from 1980, faceless bunnies, things like that. Admitting that I actually bought a pattern with faceless bunnies at one time in my life is embarrassing. There, I got it out in the open (I can live with that shame, but there's absolutely NO WAY I'm going to tell you what "reality" show I'm addicted to. I just can't face the ridicule. I will tell you it has nothing to do with Jersey anything. I do have some standards, even if they're pretty low).

This should probably be considered a parable on the evils of organization. This glut of patterns isn't going to stop me from getting more, I'm just going to convince myself that I'm making room for better stuff.

The lesson, don't organize.